Memories of Snape
by TickleWaves
Summary: Memories from Snape's past from his childhood to his death.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own the Harry Potter book series, the characters, or anything else that J.K. Rowling created.**

**Severus Snape's thoughts from childhood to his death. This is my first fanfic with Snape, and my first ever fanfic that isn't in the Romance category so please excuse me if it's not good. Constructive criticism is welcome! I plan to write more fanfics outside of my usual genre and character sets so I'll need tons of help with writing them. Also, if anyone can help me with British words, that would be great! As of right now, the only British words I know are Mum, blimey, and rubbish.**

**For the first section, I guessed on an age and his home life. **

-7 years old flashback-

Inside my small bedroom, dingy white walls and creaky wooden floors surrounded me, my small and lump filled bed squeaked under me. I could hear my dad shouting at my mum again. I couldn't really tell what they were arguing about. All I heard was yelling and crying, that was more than what I wanted to hear as it was.

This wasn't exactly new to me, I've heard this many times before. This was however, the first time that my parents didn't seem to care that I could hear. Before when they would fight, they would wait until after my bedtime and let the argument rise from a heated whisper to a shouting match. In the mornings after the fight, they would act like nothing was wrong. I would ask "Mum, why do you look so sad?" or "Dad, are you okay? You look down". But these efforts for a confession were in vain, they plastered on a fake smile in an instant and said "Oh nothing's wrong Sevy. Everything is fine. I promise"

Mum was rubbish at keeping secrets, and Dad was even worse at keeping promises. Mum's pale and narrow face told her every emotion. When Mum tried to hide a secret, she blushed and her eyes began wandering around as if she could see the perfect lie somewhere in the room. When she was angry, her face was entirely red and she looked like a wild boar ready to charge. Dad never kept any promises. He promised to get a better job. He promised to find us a better home. He promised to make Mum feel special everyday. He promised that I wouldn't have to wear his old clothes until I absolutely couldn't fit in them anymore. He promised a lot of things that never happened.

I pretended that the promise and lie were sincere and went on with my dull home life. I spent my days in the overgrown and weed filled backyard, squishing weeds and dead insects together to see what would happen. I looked at one of my mum's old textbooks and saw pictures of someone doing this same thing so I tried to do it too. Nothing ever happened though. Although I swear that when I dumped it out on the grass, it burned.

For some reason, Mum hides all of her school things. She never talks about it, doesn't have any pictures to show, and she acts like it's a big secret. I know there's something she's hiding though. One day, I found a long and rounded piece of wood on her nightstand. It wasn't a stick from the tree because this piece was perfectly round, smooth, and cut evenly at the ends. It also felt like there was something inside this piece. Not physically I mean, more like there was something powerful about this piece of wood. As if this small piece of wood was a living creature itself.

I held the piece of wood lightly in my hand and swished it quickly. I flew backwards into the wall and made everything in the room, and possibly more things in the house, fall to the floor. I stood up, trying to pick up everything while trying to get steady on my feet again. Mum ran into the room, gasping and looking at the wrecked room. "Severus! What...how...what happened?"

Mum looked at the stick in my hand and gasped, covering her mouth. "Severus! Where did you get this? This is my wa...something personal of mine. How did you get it?"

"It was on your nightstand Mum. I was wondering what it was"

"And when you played with it...this happened? Everything fell and the room shook?"

"Yes and it knocked me into the wall"

"Oh my goodness. You're a...oh no this can't be. Your father will...oh goodness"

"What Mum? What about me? What about Dad?"

She faked a smile, blushed and look around the room, "It's nothing dear. Go on and play. But never play with my things again, understand?"

"Yes Mum"


	2. Chapter 2

-11 years old-

I walked out of my house, walking away from the yelling and crying. Dad and Mum were arguing over Mum taking me to get my supplies for school. I just got the letter yesterday, officially inviting me to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It said I needed a wand, school robes, a long list of books, parchment, quills, jars of ink, cauldron, and an optional cat, owl, frog, or rat. Dad was trying to convince me to not go, and just go to an ordinary school. When Mum caught word of it, she interjected and said that I am going to Hogwarts and that's final.

I couldn't believe it. I finally knew what Mum's huge secret was after all those years, I finally knew some of her past, I was told I'm a wizard, I was told that the weird things happening to me and others around me are signs that I'm extraordinary, and I discovered I belong to an entirely different world now. All these things I was told within an hour after one simple and odd post was delivered by an owl, and Mum and Dad were already telling me what to do with it.

There was no congratulations for discovering that it was the start of a new era of my life, that I could get away from the hassling at school and finally make some friends, be someone else instead of "That weird Snape kid on that ramshackle house on Spinner's End. The one with the constantly bickering parents. The one who can't afford fitting clothes or a good haircut", that I could thrive in a new world instead of suffering in this world. I got sick of the yelling and being conflicted, so I quietly slipped out the door and walked down Spinner's End. It felt freeing to not be stuck in that house anymore. When I was far enough away to not be able to hear my parents shouting, I finally felt happy and relaxed.

I looked over into a yard and saw a girl about my age, lying in her yard, playing with the flowers. I looked closer and noticed a huge bouquet of daisies was coming out of her hand. I rushed forward and tried to be quiet as I shouted "Oi! Are you mad?"

She flinched, obviously startled by me and hid her flowers. "Excuse me?"

"Don't worry, I'm harmless and I'm one too"

"One what?" she asked whispering

I whispered back, "A wizard"

She giggled, "A wizard? Oh really?"

"I saw you get a bouquet of flowers from nowhere and they're growing from your hand"

"Your mind is playing tricks on you"

"Is my mind tricking me into believing that there's an imaginary owl sitting next to you with a letter exactly like the one I got yesterday?"

"Okay, so you know. But don't tell anyone. My sister is going mad with believing that there's a mix up and they meant to send it to another Lily Evans. My mum and dad don't even know what to do. Where to go for my supplies, where's the school, nothing"

"Are they Muggles?"

"Excuse me? Muggles you say? What is that some sort of insult?"

"No! No of course not. It's a term my Mum taught me. It means they don't have magical powers"

"Oh...well yes. None of my family have magical powers. Um...I didn't get your name"

"Severus. Severus Snape"

"I'm Lily"

I chuckled, picking up her flowers, "That's funny, your name is Lily yet you sprout daisies"

She giggled, her red hair flowing in the wind and her bright green eyes shining. "Yes, I suppose that's funny"

I've never had much luck with people, most people are scared by me or my parents reputation for screaming precedes me. The fact that a random girl, who was incredibly pretty and kind, wasn't scared by me and would be going to school with me seemed too good to be true. A girl, about two or three years older than us stomped across the yard and shouted "Lily! Mum wants you inside now!"

"Tunie give me a minute. I'm talking with my new friend, Severus" Lily said loudly but calmly. She smiled at me, and I knew her calling me her friend wasn't to be polite, it was genuine. I smiled back, already wanting to spend forever with the wonderful redheaded girl with bright, green eyes.

"Lily! Now!"

Lily frowned and stood up, "Well I suppose I better go Severus. It was nice meeting you"

"Will I see you again?"

Lily giggled, handing me a daisy, "Of course you will silly. We're going to school together soon, we'll see each other everyday then"

"I meant before then"

"I'm not doing anything tomorrow"

I smiled, waving goodbye "Tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow"

I smiled, not caring for once that my pants showed my shins when they weren't supposed to, my shirt was too baggy, and Dad didn't pay the water bill often enough to keep my hair from being greasy. I didn't care about any of that at the moment. All I cared about was the fact that I already had a friend for my new school.

Over the next few days before school started, Lily and I spent almost all of our free time together. We took walks, lied in the grass, looked at our school supplies together, and talked about what we imagined Hogwarts would be like. She listened to everything I said, all of my problems and all of my dreams. I listened to her every word as well, and comforted her regarding her awful sounding older sister Petunia. Her sister was jealous Lily was special and wouldn't be stuck in this tiny little town forever. Who wouldn't be jealous? Lily and I had an entirely different world to go to and we would have amazing powers. Petunia was just normal. She would be stuck in the Muggle world forever.


	3. Chapter 3

-12 years old-

Ever since we got to Hogwarts, James Potter has been getting closer to Lily. I don't like it at all, but what can I do? She's still my best friend and I want her to be happy. Besides, she's a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin. Gryffindors and Slytherins just shouldn't be together. The Sorting Hat told me "Gryffindor or Slytherin. Such a difficult choice. You are cunning, smart, brave, like a Slytherin and Gryffindor. You have a good heart like a Gryffindor. But there lies a dark hole within your soul. You are quite vengeful I see. Very much like your mum Eileen, I remember her well. I think…Slytherin!"

It's not like I would have much say in her friendship choices anyway. It's not like I can ask her to ignore people so we can see each other all day. James gets to see her all day and eat meals with her. I can only see her when our houses have classes together and when we make plans on the weekends.

Lily doesn't seem to like James all that much. He's arrogant, loud, obnoxious, and lazy. And his friend Sirius isn't much better either. Sirius is just as arrogant, loud, but slightly less lazy I think. Remus isn't terribly awful. He's at least quiet enough to not go along with harrassment from James and Sirius.

I've been busying myself since I don't really have friends except for Lily. I occasionally talk to the boys in my dormitory, asking them if they've seen my book and telling them that Edgar is looking for one of them. I've been studying advanced spells, hexes and charms that fifth years are learning. I'm trying to invent my own spell, to impress Lily. It hasn't been successful yet. Maybe Lily will fancy me once she realizes how smart I am, unlike Potter.

Lily and I are both excellent in Potions. I'm also trying to impress her with my Potions skill. If I can somehow make a breakthrough with Potions, making them quicker and more effective, Lily will be grateful and return my feelings. I doubt Potter could do that. All he does is torment me with his idiot friends and claim he "would've been on the Quidditch team, if Dogmus wasn't so intimidated". Lily isn't impressed by prats, I think she would be better off with someone like her. Someone wonderful, brilliant, kind, funny, caring, generous. Oh hell, I'm not like that. I don't deserve her. But someday I will.


End file.
